She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
PANTIES FOUND
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