My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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