i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
