Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
