I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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