You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize