you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
