nut hugger
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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