No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
