He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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