who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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