These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't turn off my feet"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
