I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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