Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
