i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
