Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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