So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you win again, gameday.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
