You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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