god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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