He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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