I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
