Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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