Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
