So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it glows. i had to have it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
