So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
