The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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