Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm bleeding and have questions
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
