Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
