dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
