it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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