Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
