im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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