Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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