After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
