Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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