Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
