I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
