I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
