I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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