Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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