i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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