I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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