I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
