this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
