yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
