Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
