halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
