I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize