Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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