happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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