Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize