I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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