Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
