What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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