she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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