I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize