Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
