we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
