woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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