guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
