I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
