Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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