just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize