yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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