i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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