So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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