Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
