We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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