My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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