well you can't waste a boner
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
FUCK WHALES
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize