When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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