So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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