Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So much rum. So many feels.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
