So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
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