she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
