he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
