dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize