he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
BRING THE BAGELS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
