Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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