i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
