I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
