Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
