____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have already put on my inside pants.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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