Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
